


These Shall be My Dying Words

by AeonTheDimensionalGirl



Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [22]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (But Merlin Doesn't Know That He Knows), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Canon Era, Deviates From Canon, First Kiss, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Scared Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonTheDimensionalGirl/pseuds/AeonTheDimensionalGirl
Summary: Arthur is forced to witness Merlin be poisoned again, and the only cure is for him to confesses his deepest, darkest secret.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939345
Comments: 27
Kudos: 770





	These Shall be My Dying Words

**Author's Note:**

> **PROMPT No 22. DO THESE TACOS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU?**  
>  **Poisoned** | Drugged | Withdrawal

Arthur found Merlin had already taken out the wine and the chalices when he came to his chambers after a meeting with Lady Gertrude, the raven comfortably reclined in the chair as he sipped the drink.

“I see you already have decided to serve yourself, even if it’s not even nighttime” the blond pointed with amusement as he took off his coat and placed it on the chair.

Merlin, however, blinked in obvious confusion.

“I-” he stammered, “You didn’t lay it out?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

“ _Mer_ lin, who here is the servant?” he asked in slight exasperation before frowning, “And what do you mean with me laying it out?”

“The wine was set when I came here” Merlin said in a faint voice, looking anxious, “I didn’t serve it”

A feeling of dread began to settle on the King’s stomach.

“If you didn’t lay the wine” Arthur replied, “And I didn’t set it” he gulped, looking around his chambers as his hand went to his sword pummel, “Then who did?”

The raven opened his mouth to guess, but what instead came out was a dry cough.

Frowning, Merlin tried again, but coughed once more, and this time he made a face of discomfort at the same time he clutched his throat-

And Arthur was assaulted by memories.

Merlin coughing, holding a chalice, grasping his neck with a look of pain on his face-

“Merlin?” he asks, trying to not fall into panic as he approaches his friend taking him by the shoulders, “Merlin what’s wrong?”

When the raven drops the goblet with a horrified look on his face, the King immediately fears the worst.

And to further prove his fears, Merlin lets out a whimper of pain, curling onto himself at the same time he falls to his knees, gasping and breathing coming out short. Arthur follows him, holding him and trying to alleviate the pain by rubbing his back.

“For fucks sake!”

The King tenses at the sudden voice in his chambers when he recognizes it.

He was, after all, speaking with the owner like a moment ago.

“The servant wasn’t supposed to drink it!” the annoyed figure of Lady Gertrude abruptly appeared in the room, the noblewoman looking furious at the King and the raven.

Arthur looked at her in outrage.

“Oh gods-” Merlin panted, “Is there a-a noble who doesn’t have an ulterior m-motive when coming to t-this kingd-?” he cut himself with cry of pain.

But at least he expressed Arthur’s exact sentiments.

“What did you do” the blond demanded to know, cutting straight to the chase.

“Poison him, obviously” the lady replied, “Thought you had some intelligence, King Arthur”

In Arthur’s arms, Merlin heaved again, face clear with agony.

“Why?” the King asked with a hiss.

“Well, it _was_ meant for _you_ ” Lady Gertrude said with a shrug, “You could drink it too and find out”

“Don’t” Merlin weakly whispered.

Arthur glared at her.

“Humor me” he said, “Is this because of something my father did?”

“Perhaps” Lady Gertrude responded by giving a non-committal hum, “I wanted to see how truthful you could be under pressure”

“What?” Arthur asked with confusion at the same time Merlin arched his back with a dying scream escaping him.

“The poison acts as a truth serum, of a sorts” Lady Gertrude explained, almost bored, “And the cure is with oneself”

“What?” Merlin gritted out.

“Either you reveals your darkest secret or you die” Gertrude said as if she were discussing the weather, shrugging, “The most deeper the secret, the more painful the poison will act. Oh! Some people tend to die before getting to reveal the truth” she added with glee.

The King felt his eyes widen.

“You wanted to see me choose death over revealing my secrets” Arthur realized, looking down at Merlin with growing horror as he watched his dear friend become deathly pale while tears began running down his cheeks.

Oh gods-

A Merlin’s darkest secret was his-

“Indeed” the lady smiled darkly, “So if you would be so kind to drink-”

“GUARDS!”

Please don’t be a sorceress, Arthur thought grimly as the Lady Gertrude gaped at him with indignation before the set of guards came onto the room.

“Arrest the Lady Gertrude, for attempted murder”

He was going to enjoy sentencing her.

But thankfully the noblewoman didn’t seem to have magic, for she simply shrieked and screamed with outrage as the guards dragged her out of the King’s chambers.

Arthur ignored her, focusing on the whimpering Merlin in his arms.

“Alright, Merlin” he said while helping the raven stand up so he could be seated in the chair, “I think you know what you have to do now”

Merlin crumbled in his spot, more tears coming out of his azure eyes as he looked frightened and in pain, body tense and trembling.

The sight broke the King’s heart.

“Merlin-” Arthur whispered, “Come on now, just- say it, alright? I swear to you that you won’t be in any trouble”

But Merlin’s face shatters even more, and he sobs into his hands, his cries hiccupped by spasms of pain from the poison as he shakes his head in denial.

“ _Mer_ lin, you idiot!” the blond yells, not even bothering to hide his distress, “Are you suicidal? Is this secret really worth your death?” he took the raven’s hands, gripping them tightly as he stared into teary azure eyes, “Please- I don’t want you to die”

And it was true.

Merlin was safe with him, surely his friend must know so-

“I know” Arthur revealed, feeling his breath hitch when Merlin held his breath and his body tensed further, “I know, I’ve known for a while. I understand why you’ve hidden, I’m not angry at you nor I hate you, I could never hate you” he added, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes, “Just- Please… I couldn’t bear to lose you”

The King watched as more tears fell of the raven’s eyes, his face looking hesitant and hopeful.

“You-” he groaned in pain as he withdrew his hands from Arthur’s gentle hold, clutching his stomach, “You re-really know? A-And don’t h-hate me for it?” he asked between heavy gasps.

“I don’t” Arthur confirmed, cupping Merlin’s face, “I swear everything will be alright” he said, “Just say it, and you’ll be cured”

Merlin still looked slightly unsure.

“W-when did you find out?” he asked in a small voice amid the tremors on his body, avoiding the King’s stare.

“Shortly after Morgana and Morgause’s defeat” Arthur admitted with a small smile, “I connected some inexplicable things, and you were acting so strange that it became obvious” 

The raven looked at him with wide eyes, and the blond could feel Merlin’s cheeks heating a bit under his touch.

“Have I been that obvious?”

Was that shame on his tone?

“A bit, if one dares to pay you enough attention” the King admitted with a serious tone, lips quirking a bit as he gently caressed the raven’s cheeks, “And I happen to like paying attention to your clumsy ass”

Merlin gave him a small but genuine smile, opening his mouth-

Before he cut himself with a scream of pain, body sagging to the floor. The raven would have broken his skull if it weren’t for Arthur quickly catching him, holding him close to his chest; and the King was horrified to see that there was a trickle of blood coming out of Merlin’s nose.

He was running out of time.

“Merlin?” the blond shook him, trying his best not to fall into panic as Merlin’s eyes did not open, “Merlin, come on” he begged, tapping the pale cheek and trying to ignore the dribbling blood, “Please!”

The raven couldn’t have succumbed to the poison, he couldn’t-

Finally, azure eyes flecked with gold opened to stare at him, looking hazy and filled with pain.

“A-Arthur-” Merlin croaked with groan, “Arthur, I- I can’t-” he curled into the King’s embrace, moaning with evident suffering and clutching the blond’s tunic.

“Yes, yes you can” Arthur said, parting away the raven locks from the sweaty forehead, “Come on, I’ll help you out” he added, forcing himself to sound calm.

Merlin looked at him with nervousness, but managed to nod before another coughing fit took over him.

“At the same time, alright?” the blond waited for his friend to nod again, trying to ignore how a new trickle of blood was now coming out of Merlin’s mouth, “I-”

“I-”

“-Have magic”

“-Love you”

For a moment, it feels like the world has stopped.

Arthur can feel his heartbeat loud in his ears, his breath hitching-

Oh.

_Oh._

And then he can’t feel himself cradling a warm body in his arms, and when the blond looks up in confusion he sees that Merlin has hauled himself out his hold and-

The raven was looking at him with mortification, eyes wide and brimming with tears-

“You” Arthur gulped, unbelieving, “You love _me_?”

He’s aware that his voice is coming out as a squeak, but nonetheless there’s a small smile forming in his lips-

Merlin began shaking his head, hand going to cover his mouth as another sob escaped him.

“No-” he mumbled with a broken voice as he curled onto himself and a slight breeze began to swirl around them, “No,no,no-”

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted in fright as the breeze became a strong wind and began to encase the sorcerer, “Merlin, wait-!”

He went to grab him, to reassure him that it was alright-

But Merlin had vanished, leaving Arthur to catch air.

* * *

With his heart on his throat, Arthur looked everywhere around the castle for Merlin, and no matter the double checks, there was no trace of the raven.

He was at his wits end with worry when he passed the entrance for the northern tower-

And heard distant, echoing whimpers.

Letting out a shaky breath, Arthur began to climb the staircase to the abandoned turret, feeling his heartbeat anew on his ears as he got to the end and found the door ajar.

Swallowing, the blond entered the room, feeling his heart break at the sight.

Merlin was seated upon the dusty floor, upper body lying on top of an abandoned chest, head hidden between his arms as his body trembled with heavy sobs.

Arthur approached him with hesitant steps, sitting right next to the raven.

“Hey” he softly called.

The only indication the blond had of Merlin hearing him was how the raven went still before another small cry escaped him.

Remembering the look in the sorcerer’s face- like he could die from the humiliation-

The King realized he better quickly amend the misconceptions.

“I didn’t-” Arthur swallowed, feeling tears sting in his eyes, “I didn’t come to make fun of you, Merlin” he murmured, “I actually came to, well- clear the air with you”

“You don’t have to” Merlin finally answered with a broken voice, face still hidden, “I know how this is going to go” he sniffed, “You’ll let me down gently and tell me it can never happen between us, and that you’ll be happy for us to remain as friends”

Arthur could not help the small huff of disbelief that escaped him.

“You couldn’t be more wrong” he whispered, placing a hand on the raven’s shoulder, who raised his head slightly to look at him, “Yes, we might have been thinking about different things while you were under the poison, but it wasn’t far from the truth”

“W-What do you mean?” Merlin murmured while he wiped his tears with his tunic sleeve. The King smiled gently at him, helping him dry the new tears that continued to fall, taking a deep breath to gather his courage.

“I love you too” Arthur revealed. The sorcerer tensed once again, face stricken.

“Don’t be cruel” he asked in a weak voice.

“I’m not!” the blond exclaimed, coming closer to him and pressing their foreheads together, cradling the raven’s face between his hands, “Merlin, I been in love with you a good while, seven hells, probably even longer- perhaps since the day we met” he smiled, “When I figured out you were a sorcerer, that’s when it hit me that I was in love with you”

“You realized I’ve been lying to you since we met and in turn you figured you were in love with me?” Merlin asked with bewilderment, “And I’m not a sorcerer-”

“Really, _Mer_ lin-?”

“I’m a warlock”

Arthur bit his lips, unsure.

“Er… there’s a difference?” he asked with curiosity, and Merlin finally- _finally_ grinned at him.

“I was born with magic” he revealed, smile shy.

Arthur blinked.

_Huh._

But any questions he had about that dying in his throat as he saw the sor- warlock frown lightly.

“How-” the raven gulped, “How did you figure out I had magic?”

“You give a gran speech about a great king I am meant to become, then you suddenly disappeared and returned with a strange looking sword, and then you and Lancelot ignored my orders to disable the warning bell to instead head to the throne room where the Cup of Life was, and then the immortal army is blowing into bits and you hurriedly give Lancelot the credit” Arthur deadpanned, “Wasn’t hard- especially when I began connecting the dots in other strange and seemingly inexplicable victories you claimed I won, and I have no fucking recollection of having done so”

He sighed, absentmindedly caressing Merlin’s shocked face while at it.

“I never considered hating you, or killing you. My instant reaction was _‘I have to protect this idiot’_ -”

“Hey-!”

“Because clearly, his intentions are good” Arthur smiled a bit wryly, “And I thought, perhaps one day he’ll trust me enough to tell me”

Merlin looked away.

“I’m sorry” he whispered, before turning to look at the King, azure eyes bright with more tears, “But it was never about trust” he revealed, raising his hands to place it on top of Arthur’s, whose breath hitched.

“It’s just- there never seemed to be a good moment to tell you” Merlin admitted, “Every time I considered telling you about my magic, something or someone with dark intentions came in to ruin the day and-”

Arthur felt his eyes widen in horror.

“And then I condemned magic, or said something bad about it” he murmured with dread. The warlock nodded with sadness.

“I became afraid” he said, “But I always knew the day would come” he bit his lip, “My feelings, on the other hand-”

“You really thought they would be unrequired?” Arthur asked softly. The raven nodded.

“I thought you would be disgusted by me, not wanting your servant be in love with you and you would fire me on the spot” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way” Arthur said, wiping away another stray tear of Merlin’s, “And I’m sorry if you believed I would humiliate you for your feelings, and I’m so sorry for giving you mixed signals with my views on magic”

“Those are a lot of apologizes from you, Sire” Merlin replied with a small grin, “Who are you and what you’ve done to Arthur Pendragon?”

The King simply rolled his eyes good naturedly, before leaning up his kiss the raven’s brow and hugging him close to his chest, the warlock returning the embrace.

“At least something good came out of that poison” he said, feeling Merlin laugh under him.

They both stayed in silence for a while, content in each other’s hold.

“Arthur?” Merlin’s shy voice broke the quiet. The blond turned to look down at him.

“Hmm?”

“I love you” Merlin said, azure eyes bright and tender.

And gods, it was way better to hear him say it when he’s not on the brink of death thanks to an evil poison.

“I love you too” Arthur whispered before gently cupping the warlock’s face and leaning down to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> Ngl, I’ve been wanting to do this particular cliché/trope for a while.


End file.
